This isn't the country I grew up in anymore. It used to be a place where hardworking Americans could make an honest living, support their families, and feel safe walking the streets. It used to be a place that rewarded decency and fairness. But now, thanks to the millions of illegal immigrants crossing our borders every year, all that's changed—and I for one have had enough. So listen up, Mexicans: Stop cooking all that mouthwatering food that I cannot stop consuming and go home!
I am dead serious. We didn't invite you here, and it's high time you quit making all those rich, complex mole sauces that seem to fire every taste bud on my tongue and return to your native land. There's no room for you here.
Yes, your sauces satisfy the body as well as the soul. But does that excuse the throngs of day laborers waiting on the corner every morning for jobs that rightfully belong to someone born in the USA? Even if that heavenly sauce is drizzled over seared duck breast and is studded with ripe avocados?
No, sir. Not in my book.
Every Saturday I drive out to the East Side to pick up a stack of piping-hot gorditas, and all I see are Mexican mothers pushing strollers filled with Mexican infants. It just fumes me to think how they're getting government benefits that I pay for with my taxes. It's ridiculous! Just because these women can turn ground cornmeal into a feast fit for the gods themselves doesn't mean they should get special treatment. I don't care how bright and fresh their salsa tastes.
And another thing: The roasted-poblano-pepper-and-Chihuahua-cheese tamales they serve on the truck by the art supply store make me weak in the knees, but the way these people come to our country and refuse to speak our language makes me sick. This is America, folks!
If you're ever in that neighborhood, though, make sure you try the tacos de lengua con queso. Dios mío, they are good.
Besides the sizzling fajitas and the crispy buñelos fried to melt-in-your mouth perfection, these international trespassers add nothing to society. It's time for them to go! Of course, we Americans would have to learn how to whip lard to the right consistency before adding it to the tamale batter and slow-roast chiles to deepen their flavor. For the first few years, the food will be merely passable, but that's a small price to be rid of these immigrants who work in the fields and orchards for less than minimum wage, thereby allowing me to purchase cheap fruits and vegetables any time of year.
And good riddance to them all! Except for Pedro at work, of course. And the Velázquez family, who've invited me to their family barbecue three years running. Talk about some grilling going down! I guess I'd miss Maria from the coffee shop; she must have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. Oh, and Danny, who sometimes plays golf with us. Can't forget the Guzmáns. They're more friends of my wife, but Manuel is full of hilarious stories, plus they turned me onto pollo en pipián. Who would have thought that a sauce made from pumpkin seeds could be so sublime? Yeah, and Dr. Gilberto, my dentist. I'll miss him too. He's a good guy.
But the rest of you, the ones I don't know personally, I won't miss you at all.
We just need a few brave politicians willing to do the right thing and deport all of these people, no matter how unpopular it is or how much of a stink the liberals put up. Granted, they should leave us their most cherished recipes, and we'd need some of the local Mexican housewives to make at least a year's worth of barbacoa and posole stew to keep in my freezer. Just enough until I can take a trip down to Cozumel for a week of eating and relaxing. Then: Out with them for good!
If you are a Mexican—and you can read enough English to comprende this—start packing your bags. You and your warm≠hearted people with your rustic pottery and intricate woven crafts and your colorful songs are no longer welcome here. So vamos! Get out!
Man, I could go for a taco con pollo y salsa verde and a little queso fresco right now.
Bosses matter. They matter because more than 95 percent of all people in the workforce have bosses, are bosses, or both. They matter because they set the tone for their followers and organizations. And they matter because many studies show that for more than 75 percent of employees, dealing with their immediate boss is the most stressful part of the job. Lousy bosses can kill you—literally. A 2009 Swedish study tracking 3,122 men for ten years found that those with bad bosses suffered 20 to 40 percent more heart attacks than those with good bosses.
It would be really great to have cell service, etc. out here in the mountains for safety's sake but only if people use it for good. Seriously, intrepid outdoorsmen - pack your sunscreen, take your water/camera/sunglasses, but for God's sakes, remember your common sense...
The national parks’ history is full of examples of misguided visitors feeding bears, putting children on buffalos for photos and dipping into geysers despite signs warning of scalding temperatures.
But today, as an ever more wired and interconnected public visits the parks in rising numbers — July was a record month for visitors at Yellowstone — rangers say that technology often figures into such mishaps.
People with cellphones call rangers from mountaintops to request refreshments or a guide; in Jackson Hole, Wyo., one lost hiker even asked for hot chocolate.
A French teenager was injured after plunging 75 feet this month from the South Rim of the Grand Canyon when he backed up while taking pictures. And last fall, a group of hikers in the canyon called in rescue helicopters three times by pressing the emergency button on their satellite location device. When rangers arrived the second time, the hikers explained that their water supply “tasted salty.”
I remember interviewing someone for a job years ago who saw a copy of The Economist sitting on a table in my office.
The candidate said, "You read The Economist, huh?"
Yes, I read a lot of magazines, I replied.
"I don't like The Economist," said the interviewee, "They hate whales."
At least now we know they like dogs
There are plenty of studies which show that dogs act as social catalysts, helping their owners forge intimate, long-term relationships with other people. But does that apply in the workplace? Christopher Honts and his colleagues at Central Michigan University in Mount Pleasant were surprised to find that there was not much research on this question, and decided to put that right. They wondered in particular if the mere presence of a canine in the office might make people collaborate more effectively. And, as they told a meeting of the International Society for Human Ethology in Madison, Wisconsin, on August 2nd, they found that it could.
And you thought you knew how! From Tuesday's UK Daily Telegraph....
It is our life force, so it’s no wonder “a breath of fresh air” has come to mean relief. But are we harnessing it the way we were designed to?
Breathing “properly” and to our full potential is not only good for our overall wellbeing, it’s increasingly seen as having a key role in alleviating all sorts of modern ailments, from anxiety to exhaustion.
Increased awareness and control over our breathing mechanism, and using our lungs to their full capacity, can lead to all sorts of benefits – from pain and stress relief to improved energy levels, enhanced athletic performance and singing ability, and even gaining control over a stutter.
Interesting research reported in the San Francisco Weekly about emerging research on the use of iPads in the therapy of autistic children...
Since the iPad's unveiling in April, autism experts and parents have brought it into countless homes and classrooms around the world. Developers have begun pumping out applications specifically designed for users with special needs, and initial studies are already measuring the effectiveness of the iPod Touch and the iPad as learning tools for children with autism. Through the devices, some of these children have been able to communicate their thoughts to adults for the first time. Others have learned life skills that had eluded them for years.
Though there are other computers designed for children with autism, a growing number of experts say that the iPad is better. It's cheaper, faster, more versatile, more user-friendly, more portable, more engaging, and infinitely cooler for young people. "I just couldn't imagine not introducing this to a parent of a child who has autism," says Tammy Mastropietro, a speech pathologist based outside Boston who uses the technology with numerous clients. She sees it as a game changer for those with autism, particularly those most severely affected.